Forgive me, forgive me.

Red: 5 facts about my best friend (that’s you, jerk)

1. She’s stupid and I hate her. KIDDING! I AM KIDDING! MOSTLY!
2. I’ve known her since we were fifteen, and I’ve lived with her since we were eighteen. Good god. We’re getting old.
3. She is the reason I started watching Doctor Who again and I am eternally grateful. 
4. She can out-drink anyone. Seriously, anyone.
5. She punches me in the stomach frequently and doesn’t listen when I tell her that she shouldn’t do that because that’s how Houdini died.

HAY GURL HAY. If Charlie asks, I didn’t tell you any of this.

Blue: 9 facts about my family.

1. I have fourteen cousins on my dad’s side of the family (plus one cousin that was given up for adoption when he was born; I’ve never met him and we don’t know where he grew up or where he lives now) and nine on my mum’s side. A lot of my cousins have kids of their own, so family get-togethers are crazy.
2. My dad’s side of the family has an Easter egg hunt every year. It’s competitive. They also hide random non-Easter-y things like beer, soap, etc. One year, they hid ten or eleven jars of peanut butter. Charlie found and claimed them all and we didn’t have to buy peanut butter for a year and a half.
3. When Taylor and I were little, we had imaginary friends; when Charlie was little, he had an imaginary dog, since our allergies meant he couldn’t have a real one. I feel bad in retrospect.
4. We’ve never been out of the country as a family (the time they went shopping in Buffalo WITHOUT ME does not count).
5. My paternal grandma is awesome. Today is her 88th birthday. She has never told me she loves me. I’m bitter about this.
6. My mum’s maiden name is Carvalho, which means ‘oak’.
7. We used to go camping as a family a lot. We had a little pop-up tent trailer. The table folded out into a bed, which is where Taylor would usually sleep, and there were two beds on either side of the trailer. Charlie and I used to share, and he’d sleep next to the window so that he wouldn’t fall out of bed. One camping trip, he managed to fall through the side of the trailer and onto the ground. We still don’t know how he managed it.
8. We used to have Family Game Time. We’d take an hour every night to play a board game or cards or something. This was unsuccessful because we’re all far too competitive.
9. I really, really love my family. This counts as a fact, right?

Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood.

1. My nickname was ‘Chocolate Face’ for YEARS and parents wouldn’t let their kids play with me in kindergarten because they were worried that I came from an ‘unstable home’ or some shit. COBOURG IS RACIST AS ALL HELL.
2. My grandpa taught me basic Hindi when I was growing up. He died when I was ten and I’ve forgotten most of it, but if you ever need someone to count to twenty in Hindi, give me a shout.
3. I’d always had really long hair as a kid. When I was eight or nine, I got it cut to my shoulders. This was crazy for me. My hair was short and long at the same time! I needed to coin a word for this new haircut. I started describing it as ‘shlong’. Like ‘schlong’. As in penis. My mum had to take me aside and explain it and I hid in my room for the rest of the day. Why am   I re-telling this on the Internet?
4. Once, my fourth grade teacher told me my desk was messy and I started crying. Nobody calls me messy.
5. I was madly in love with Eric Clapton until I was nine. Then I realised that the age difference (and the fact that I will never meet him, and also that he is married) meant that things just weren’t going to work out.
6. My favourite Spice Girl was Posh. Y’all know you loved her too.
7. When I was little, I thought I’d be married by now. I WAS A CRAZY CHILD. 

Yep.